2016 Presidential Candidate Cheat Sheet For You!

Apparently, 1 in 4 Republicans are running for president. Okay, I lied. It only feels that way. But, Republicans make up the bulk of the candidates; so, how to decide which one to endorse?

Courtesy DonkeyHotey. 2016 Presidential Race Cheat Sheet. https://www.flickr.com/photos/donkeyhotey/15812860637

1. Sen. Lindsey Graham…

launched a too-pro-war?campaign, but he will be fun to watch. Graham never married… but says his sister will fulfill spousal duties – of course he hasn’t asked her yet.

“I want to be President to defeat the enemies trying to kill us, not just penalize them or criticize them or contain them, but defeat them.?

2.?Former Sen. Rick Santorum…

taught us about “macaca. Last presidential campaign, he called a left-leaning media guy the “French colonial slang word for ‘monkey’.” To my knowledge he is slur-free.

“As middle America is hollowing out, we can’t sit idly by as big government politicians make it harder for our workers and then turn around and blame them for losing jobs overseas. American families don’t need another President tied to big government or big money.”

3.?Former Gov. Rick Perry...

tried once before, but when he couldn?t recall the third government department he wanted to dismantle, we lost interest. ?Hopefully, he will be able to count to three this time.

“We don’t have to settle for a world in chaos or an America that shrinks from its responsibilities.”

4.?Former Gov. Jeb Bush’s…

worst problem is his name. No, not “Jeb”?but “Bush.”? He is the presumed candidate, but looks a little bored. I can?t blame him; he has been through the presidential race four times before.

“We will get back on the right side of free enterprise and freedom for all Americans.”

5.?Businessman Donald Trump…

rode that escalator in Trump Tower right into this race. Billionaire Trump won?t be bought. Although I’m not so sure we can handle Trump’s ego supporting Trump’s ego.

“Ladies and gentlemen, I am officially running for president of the United States, and we are going to make our country great again.?

6.?Gov. Bobby Jindal…

was a shooting star, then shot himself in the foot. It was after President Obama?s State Of The Union Address. Jindal made his presidential bid on Twitter with a link to his website. If you don?t talk, I suppose you are less likely to fail.

“I’m running for President of the United States of America. Join me.?

7.?Senator Ted Cruz…

was born in Canada, of a Cuban father. His mother is from Delaware. But, just because his father fought Fidel Castro (Cuban Dictator) doesn’t mean he gets to break all the political rules.

“These are all of our stories. These are who we are as Americans. And yet for so many Americans, the promise of America seems more and more distant.”

8.?Senator Rand Paul…

is carrying the presidential campaign torch after his father (Ron Paul of Texas) passed it. Rand is an ophthalmologist (aka, eye surgeon). Sure, he knows a lot about eyes, but not so much about the people behind them.

“Today I announce with God’s help, with the help of liberty lovers everywhere, that I’m putting myself forward as a candidate for President of the United States of America.”

9.?Businesswoman Carly Fiorina…

is Hillary Clinton lite ? living in the same gender but without substance. She was birthed by the corporate world but was canned, which is only fair given how many she canned to improve her company?s bottom line. On ABC’s?Good Morning America,

“Yes, I am running. I think I’m the best person for the job because I understand how the economy actually works. I understand the world; who’s in it.”

Watch this space for more!

h/t CNN’s?Julian Zelizer?Opinion

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About Gloria Christie